I'm standing here typing this with my legs crossed because I need to pee. But I'm not going to go to the loo.
I have been cheering myself on every day for the last year, saying "You're going to start your blog today. Yes. Today is the day. Today. Yes. It will happen” and then it doesn't.
I start off with great determination, then I switch on my phone and my computer. Twelve hours later and the day has been sucked up by tasks, inconsequential "must do's" that don't really need to done and then... disappointment. Time and time again, I pacify myself by declaring "TOMORROW!". Yes, tomorrow, the land that's always one day further away from achieving anything.
I went to start writing this today then decided it was more important to attend to haemorrhoids via a long soak in the bath and then I had to fix a 'slow close' toilet seat that has been slamming itself shut for months now. My excuses had finally become so sh*tty (pun intended) that I was jolted into the realisation of what I was doing.
What's holding me back? Something to write about. That's what.
What makes this more pathetic is that I am a professional writer. People actually pay me to write about stuff. True story. It's so easy when someone says "Hey, I want to sell this window. Can you write something about it?" or "We've got this stout that we're going to sell over the Winter months. Here are the technical specs. Can you pimp that up for us?" Yeah, sure I can! It’s so easy... when it's for other people.
But, leave me with a blank page and my own thoughts, and I white out. Blankety Blank. Brain blizzard. Suddenly I have nothing to say for myself. Maybe it's because I keep thinking that the first post needs to be a cracker, something that you'll want to share with all your friends and family. Clearly, that's not going to happen. So, let's shift the expectation to a convenient height, one that I can comfortably step over and beyond, instead of the enormous wall that I've been craning my neck to look up at.
I shall just write and go from there, after all, it's easier to steer a car when it's moving.
My encouragement to get started comes from Samuel Beckett's quote:
"Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better."
Okay. The first blog is done. Tick. Yay me. It might not be amazing, but it’s something. At this point, doing nothing has been the fail. So today, I fail better.
I can now attend to my burning need to go to the loo and get the dog off the couch, upon which he's been barking madly at a cat outside for the last five minutes.
I won't be disappointed with myself tonight, in fact, I think I just earned myself a wee dram of whiskey.